Changed for Good

   
    Well, I suppose it's about time I wrote another tale chronicling my life! This past month has been an insanely awesome blur! One week I was cramming as many "play dates" into my life as possible while still in Chicago, the next I was cramming my dependable Taurus, Theodore Ford, with all my worldly belongings to haul back to Wisconsin. Less then 24 hours later I was flying out of Green Bay for a 3 week stint of tours in D.C.  Upon the completion of said tours, I returned to Wisconsin - home for a day, then a 9 day "vacation" in Rice Lake visiting my old mates & the kiddos at the Boys & Girls Club. Now, once again in Wausaukee, I'm finally beginning to unwind: sorting & downsizing in preparation for whatever's next (which at the moment is still a mystery) and trying to wrap my mind around everything I've experienced & learnt this last month! As disorganized as my room is currently, I still think the latter task is the most daunting!
     Seriously, I don't know if God has ever crammed so many lessons into my life in such a short span of time as He has this past month! It's like those supreme pizzas where the toppings are falling all over as you shove it in your undersized mouth, and you can't distinguish one flavor from the next; it's just a wonderful medley of deliciousness though slightly overwhelming!
     I can't sugar-coat it, though: this month hasn't been a cake-walk. It has been a roller-coaster ride of emotions & experiences! And if I've learned one thing in the last couple of weeks, it's that I have to be honest. So in an unprecedented exposition of transparency, I must express to you my heart. Not *for you, but that I might be at peace knowing that what you read on this crazy blog is the *real me. Not a perfect picture. Not the care-free, pain-free Midwest girl some people imagine, but the broken vessel held together only by the grace of her God!
     Many of you know that I'm a bit of an emotional retard! That I struggle to express myself adequately. That my heart is guarded to the hilt!  NO ONE enters without my letting them - so no one does because I don't! Yes, I was worse once (until Jesus & Amy Templeton interceded!); however, I was still a closed book - like those antique ones in the glass cabinet: seen & admired but never used! I kept everyone at arms length so I wouldn't get hurt. But I had an epiphany a few weeks ago when a friend told me,"you have so much to offer people. I guess people are going to miss out on a really good thing if you don't open the door and let them come in." I suddenly realized how selfish I was! I'd been so worried about keeping my own heart from breaking that I hadn't even consider what God could do through me to touch other people! I'd always assumed that the pain promised Christians in their cross bearing life was more-or-less physical not heart break! But God never promised an easy path; He only said He'd be there every step of the way! My heart may be in pieces time and again but He is the Healer, and one day all my tears will be wiped away for all eternity: what is this temporary pain?! Just a means of drawing me closer to Him! Just another way to bring Him glory!
     And so if this tearing down of walls inadvertently tears down my pride & apart my heart, so be it. To God be the glory! If letting people close draws them closer to my Father, I have no other choice! ...you're probably thinking that I've completely lost it: Crazy Corrie is now clinically insane! However, I wouldn't trade this "new me" for anything. I've learned what really matters. I've seen what transparency can do. I've realized that through my weaknesses others are blessed & God is glorified! Yeah, these last few weeks have been a journey - often rough though always beautiful - but my God is faithful and I "reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us!"
In summary, allow me to note just a few of the MANY lessons God has graciously taught me in the last 5 weeks!
- Friendship is a choice.
- Goodbyes never get easier
- God's peace passes all understanding
- I am blessed beyond measure!
- Because of my weakness, God gets all the glory
- Honesty is the best policy
- All that matters in life is "God, the Word of God, & the souls of men!"
- My age does not disqualify me for any purpose of God's
- Less is more!
- The heart is a fickle thing & life a vapor, but God is eternal - who can question his sovereignty!
- Lessons can be learned from anyone!
- What we want & what God wants aren't always the same thing!
-Suffering for the cause of Christ- bearing one's cross- doesn't just mean bodily ache, but heart ache as well!
- Life & love isn't as black and white as I thought!
- Joy comes from doing what's best not necessarily easiest!
- "Laugh, Think, Cry...That's a full day!"
- The Lord gives & the Lord takes away!
- God is truly able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think!
- Lay up treasures where moth & rust can't corrupt!
- The unexpected gifts are the ones most cherished!
- At the end of the day (at the end of life, really), it doesn't matter how many hours I've spent watching Netflix for the moment but how many lives I've touched for eternity
- A little light can go a long way in a dark world
- No friendship is sweeter than the one I have with Jesus
- I can't see too far down the road of life, because God knows if I saw the jams ahead I'd take a detour!

     I realize this Chronicle may seem haphazard at best. Ironically, I've spent more time writing this post than any other: perhaps that accounts for the cut & pasted effect! I obviously haven't done justice to my thoughts (if you could comprehend even a fraction, I'd be amazed).  As I close, I'd like to end with the lyrics from Broadway's Wicked: sort of a tribute to all of those who have changed my life "for good"- those who have, whether consciously or unconsciously, contributed to my Spiritual growth this month. I am forever grateful!

For Good

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn

And we are led to the ones who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return. 

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you!

[...] 

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good!

"It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part:

So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.

And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend!

[...] 

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good!"

Opening set of Wicked